if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
