No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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