its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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