Sry I called you an 8
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
