I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
