My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
