I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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