tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
