I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
