Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
