erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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