I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
