so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
lol hangovers are for mortals.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
