I wish my penis had an off switch
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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