You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
