My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Randomize
