Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
