piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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