never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
