I just made out with a guy for $7.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
