I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
