you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
