Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
