my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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