So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
