HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
