You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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