he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
