The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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