I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I smell stomach acid.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
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