I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
