I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
