is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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