She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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