Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
