I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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