I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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