I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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