you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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