I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
