his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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