I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
