I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
