I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
it's like iHOP with fire
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
