lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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