it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
