so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
