I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
