Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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