theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
