Please, let me fuck your mom
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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