Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
