I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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